If you want to skip this post I won’t be mad at you.
I’m feeling a little whiney about what I did (or didn’t do) yesterday, and writing about stuff helps me figure things out so this is more of a journal entry than a blog post that offers any useful content to society. Sometimes those are fun, right?
So, let me back up. The last six weeks since I quit my job were basically a staycation. I gave myself some time off without guilt to do or not do whatever I wanted. Sleep until noon? Sure! Stay in pajamas all day? Absolutely! Binge through the DVR backlog? Duh! But after a while of that I was getting sick of my lump-on-the-couch self, and I found that not having a schedule anymore was harder than expected, it would suddenly be 3pm and I hadn’t done a darn thing all day long.
I decided I’d start real life with a real schedule in February, and while the morning is pretty fixed, the rest of the day is open to change but this is my general idea:
- 5:30-6:30 Wake up, coffee, make breakfast for Mr. Won’t Run and I. This started when we did W30 and we really liked starting our mornings off together so I knew I wanted to bring this back.
- 6:30-8:00 This is flexible… walk Koko, more coffee, check emails, read, watch some news (KGW for the win!), leave at 8 for yoga.
- 9:45-11:00 Back from yoga, snack, do a little cleaning, organizing, a load of laundry, get showered and ready for the rest of the day.
- 11:00-12:30 Run any errands I need to like grocery shopping, if no errands than I can blog or read or work on the two online courses I’m taking or research my business idea.
- 12:30-1:30 Lunch
- 1:30-4:00 A second block of time where I can blog or read or work on the two online courses I’m taking or research my business idea.
- 4:00-5:00 Get started on dinner. This could change depending on the day and what time Mr. Won’t Run will be getting home.
Monday and Tuesday went great! I stuck to the morning plan but afternoons were a bit scattered while I’m still figuring out what really works for a schedule. I was still getting stuff done though and feeling accomplished by the end of the day.
Then it was Wednesday. Mr Won’t Run ended up leaving early for work, before the 5:30 alarm went off, so he was gone when I woke up. Awesome, I could sleep in, but did I want to? I honestly sat there in bed for about 7 minutes, staring at the alarm on my phone. Should I get up? Should I reset it to 7:30 so I can sleep in but still make it to yoga? I’m feeling pretty sore though. Should I just go back to sleep and see what happens? I went with the last option, figuring that if I really wanted to be up then I wouldn’t fall back asleep, but if I fell back asleep then my body must need it, right?
I woke up at 10:30.
Well, I actually woke up about every half hour between 5:30 and 10:30 so it’s not like I got quality sleep. And then as I was scrolling Instagram I saw the gorgeous sunrise photos my Portland friends had posted. There was an amazing hot pink sunrise and I totally missed it.
It took me forever to get going and I felt like I was moving through quicksand all day. I didn’t do any blogging (wanted to blog every day this month and then missed day 3!!), I didn’t do any pleasure reading, I didn’t even watch any TV. I basically just walked Koko, lost time on Facebook (sort of like those alien abduction stories where the people lost time), and ventured out to the grocery store around 2pm. The best thing I did all day was make dinner. It was delicious, but I want to feel like I’ve done more than that in a day.
Even though I was/am quite disappointed in myself, I think it was a good thing. It made me realize I want to be up early getting my day started, I always feel better on the days I do.
Jump to this morning… alarm goes off at 5:30, Mr. Won’t Run was already up and he was getting ready to leave so no breakfast. Kissed him goodbye and then considered getting back in bed.
W . T . F .
Even after feeling crappy about the day before, I was considering doing it again! What is wrong with me?!!
Apparently my disappointment made me stronger because today I resisted my bad habit of sleeping as long as possible and then some (which feeds my depression), I put my rain jacket on and walked Koko, and put my yoga clothes on and headed to the coffee shop. They open at 6am. Maybe this was the fight or flight response, getting as far away as possible from the cozy bed that might kill me? Haha!
So today I am one of those coffee shop bloggers. Sitting here drinking my cardamom (carda-yum!!) latte, clicking away on the laptop, in my yoga pants. Hello white lady stereotype, ha!
I’m feeling pretty proud of myself, but here’s the thing… It’s going to be just as hard to leave my bed tomorrow. If Mr. Won’t Run leaves early and I have no reason to be up cooking breakfast (as if I’m not reason enough – but that’s a whole other issue), I will again struggle with not climbing back into our cozy, fluffy bed. I have no doubt there will be days that I give in, but I’m determined to start making better choices and healthier habits that feed my mind, body, and soul. Right now I know that means getting up at 5:30 and starting the day. It’s hard to really live this life when you sleep until noon. I say that from experience, not with judgment.
So… there’s my blog vomit for today. Maybe you found something helpful in it, even if it’s just knowing you’re not alone with the morning struggle. Or am I the only one?
Do you have any tricks that help get you out of your cozy bed in the morning?
Have you guys heard of these wake-up lights? They simulate the sunrise so your body wakes up more naturally and with more energy and it totally worked. I’ve had this clock for a while now but only used it a couple of times so I’m still figuring out the settings, but the light starts coming on about a half hour before the time you set the alarm for, starting out a dark red and slowly phasing to orange then yellow then white by the end. I set the alarm for 4:40 but I woke up earlier than that to a peaceful orange glow instead of a harsh technological melody jolting me awake. I’m hoping the last two mornings weren’t flukes and that I wasn’t just excited to prove to Mr. Won’t Run (and myself) that I could get up that early, but that the clock really is doing what it’s supposed to. I’ll keep you posted!