Truths We Have Forgotten

christine-hassler

I heard something the other day that literally stopped me in my tracks.  Like, *literally*, literally.

I was walking Koko while listening to a podcast and the words I was hearing made me stop walking!  It was like I had to stand still because if I moved I might miss some of it, like my brain wouldn’t be able to handle walking and absorbing words at the same time.

It was one of those moments where something hits you so deep inside that you kind of can’t breath, and you’re a little shocked at how deeply affected you are, but at the same time it sort of makes sense.  It’s not even the first time you’ve heard some of these words, they’ve been in your head for a while in various iterations, but for some reason… this time… it feels like the words are etching themselves on your heart and you can physically feel it.  It kinda hurts, but in a good way.  The kind of hurt like after a workout where you know you’re building muscle, but in this case the muscle is your heart… and maybe it’s healing… but maybe you didn’t realize it was broken… but you wonder how you couldn’t have known because you’re certainly feeling something right now.

Anyone else ever had that happen?  No?  Just me?  Okay.

The words came from Christine Hassler in a new-to-me podcast called ‘Over it and on with it’.  Christine was a very young and very successful Hollywood Agent (she kissed George Clooney one New Year’s Eve), but at age 25 she walked away to figure out what she really wanted.  Christine is now a professional speaker and author, traveling the country leading seminars and workshops.  She is a Life Coach who counsels her clients through questions like “Who Am I, What do I want, and How do I get it?”  You know, simple and easy questions like that.  Her podcast episodes are actually live coaching/counseling sessions which have been so interesting, but the first episode where she tells her own story is what really got me.  After sharing her story, she leaves you with this message…

(Yes, I had to sit down after the walk and transcribe it.  I don’t want to forget.)

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When you were born you were aware of these truths:

You are whole and complete.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

You are worthy and deserving.

You are a spiritual being having a human experience.

You can trust the universe.

All there is and all that matters is love.

You ARE love.

And then… you got older.

And things happened.

And you started to forget the truth.

You started moving out of the awareness of love and into fear, doubt, and judgment.

Someone told you that you did something wrong and you started to believe that something was wrong with you.

Someone in your life left, or wasn’t really there for you, and you began to question whether or not you’re lovable.

You saw or heard people yelling at each other and you got scared, you got yelled at for something you said and you decided it was better to stop speaking your truth.

You got hurt or saw someone get hurt and you stopped trusting.

Your heart got broken so you thought it’d be safer to build walls around it.

You began to doubt love.

People called you a mean name and you believed them, and now you call yourself that.

People said your dreams are impossible and you believed them, and now you don’t dream anymore.

You got left out.

You felt isolated or separate, now you feel like you’re living on the sidelines of life because you mistakenly believe that that’s where you belong.

You experience rejection, now you’re afraid to go after what you want.

You began to believe that you’re alone and you have to do it all on your own.

Perhaps you’ve even concluded that asking for help is weak.

Maybe you didn’t do as well as something you wanted and judged yourself as a failure.

Some label or diagnosis got thrown on you and you started to confuse it for who you are.

You looked at other people and thought they were smarter, more attractive, and better in some way, and now you work hard to make yourself more like others.

Not only did you stop liking you, you stopped being you.

You got disappointed and stopped believing in magic and miracles.

Life felt unfair and you questioned God.

You began to look to the outside world for validation and forgot that your worth has nothing to do with what you do, what you have, or who you’re with.

As time has gone on you’ve gotten farther and farther from the truth, and you know it.

You feel an inner call to stop believing the lies.

There’s a sense of urgency emerging.

It is time to start remembering the truth, and here it is:

You didn’t do anything wrong.

You are not broken.

There is nothing you need to do or be in order to be loved.

You are safe.

It is safe to trust.

You are not alone.

There is no one any better or worse than you.

You are uniquely you, and you are absolutely perfect at being you.

You belong, you are worthy, and deserving.

You are not what you have been labeled as.

People were mean to you because they didn’t know any better.

People leaving or not being there for you had nothing to do with you.

It is not weak to ask for help.

Support is available to you.

You are not alone and you’ve never been.

It’s impossible for your heart to truly break.  It is unbreakable and full of unconditional love and compassion.

Everything in your life that you’ve experienced is for your learning and growth.

Stop asking “why did this happen” and start asking “what can I learn from what’s happened”.

Trust that all those times you didn’t get what you wanted, you got what you truly needed.

I am sorry that the people you wanted to hear “I am sorry” from did not say it to you.

You can forgive even what you think is unforgivable.

Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened, it’s about your freedom.

As soon as you truly accept yourself, your feel of rejection will vaporize.

You have never really failed, you’ve always done the best you could.

Seriously.

The universe is for you.

Are you for you?

You don’t need to learn how to love yourself, you already know.

Love is your essence.

You’ve just forgotten that truth.

Activate your memory by reducing the time and energy you spend on thoughts and actions that reinforce your forgetfulness.

Stop expecting anything or anyone else to do it for you.

There is nothing you have to find, simply recognize what is already there.

Your purpose in life is not to do something grand or achieve some goal.

Your purpose in life is to return to where you began:

Love.

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Gut punch to the heart, right?  I wanted to share because I know I’m not the only one that needs to hear these words and remember these truths.  Hopefully they helped you remember too.

xoxo,
Sarah

PS – Here’s the podcast episode if you want to listen, the stuff above starts at the 31:31 mark, but her story is really interesting so I’d suggest listening to the whole thing :)

PPS – Her book, Expectation Hangover, is only .99cents on Amazon (Kindle) right now, through 9/26 I think.

 

Going through the big D and don’t mean Dallas. Or Divorce. It’s the other D.

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Depression.

This post is basically a brain dump and it might get a little whiney so I won’t be offended if you want to skip it.  I need a place to get out what I’m feeling and that’s the whole reason most blogs started way-back-when, right?

The gist is that I’m sick of myself.  I know most of this is depression related as I’ve been going through a season of that lately, but I’ve been around this block enough times to know what to do to help myself and I’m just not doing it.  Admittedly, that’s part of the struggle with depression.  You know that getting out of the house and doing something with friends or going for a run will be good for you, but the last thing you want to do is shower and put on makeup and leave the house, in fact, the mere thought of it makes you want to cry, or makes you actually cry.

I’m not to the point of tears yet, but I have definitely been letting myself wallow in it which is easy to do when your significant other has a job that keeps him busy.  Not that any of my issues are his fault, I’m not saying that at all, my issues have nothing to do with him, it’s just easier to lose myself when I’m alone with no one watching, you know?  We don’t have kids so it’s not like I have to keep it together for a child, it’s just Kokopuffer and she’s pretty content cuddling on the couch. #enabler

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Depression also makes me apathetic.  Don’t worry, it has thankfully never affected me with suicidal thoughts of any kind whatsoever, it’s just that nothing seems to really matter.  If I ever disappear from Instagram for a couple weeks you can bet I’m struggling with depression because I’m thinking “what the F does it matter”.  Who cares what meal we ate last night or what bouquet of flowers I bought or what my new shoes look like.  It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of life so what difference does it make, you know?  I basically just don’t give a shit.  Not exercising… so what.  Eating crap food… so what.  Skipping makeup and pulling my hair up in a jaw clip or hat instead of actually doing it… so what. (<– sorry to my coworkers and husband for that one!)

At least I am aware when this is happening, I do recognize the signs, this time around has just been harder to shake off.  Not that you can just shake off depression, it’s not a matter of just choosing to be happy.  That may play a role, thinking about and doing things that bring you joy is good, but it’s not usually that simple.

My depression exploded onto the scene my last year of college, although reading back through my journals I can see that it had slowly been building since my freshman year.  I was in counseling and on medication for a while but was eventually able to go off of both (although I think counseling would be beneficial for pretty much everyone).  I am the type who doesn’t like to take drugs if I don’t have to and would rather find natural ways to treat a problem first.  From past experience I know that exercise can help, and from a really recent experience with Whole30 I know that clean eating can help.  SO WHY AM I NOT DOING THOSE THINGS???  Like I said above, it’s not easy to get yourself out of it when you’re in it, so I’m hoping that purging it all here will be a counseling session of sorts, and if anyone is actually reading this nonsense you can feel free to yell at me too.  Or knock me upside the head a la Gibbs.  Whatever works.

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The depression also appears to be adding to my stress which adds to the depression which adds to the stress which adds to the… you get it, it’s a never-ending cycle which is terrible for me physically.  I hold stress in my shoulders and it also comes out in grinding my teeth at night and clenching my jaw which has resulted in some great TMJ issues and causes really awesome headaches.  The last few weeks my neck decided to join the party and got totally wasted.  So embarrassing.

So, I’m back to seeing a Chiropractor which has provided some relief already which has been great, although it’s not covered by insurance which hasn’t been so great.  I’m seeing her again twice this week which I’m hoping will get things back to a manageable situation.  I also found out that a yoga class I thought was gone is actually still around so I might go back to that since stretching seriously helps, and there’s a new gym that opened nearby that Mr. Won’t Run and I will hopefully check out soon.  We both want/need to get back to working out and ideally we’d be able to go together early in the mornings.  This is ideal in theory but I am not a morning person at all, made even worse by the depression so it will be a struggle, but I know it’s what my body needs, and from doing Whole30 I know that clean eating helps me sleep better which in turn makes mornings easier, so we’ve gotta clean up our diet again!

Okay, I think that’s all my word vomit for now, thanks to anyone who is still reading.  Like I said at the beginning, I just needed a brain dump and to get this all out.  I’m not looking for sympathy or pity, I’m not worried about grammar or SEO, this was just for me to call myself out on some stuff and put it all out there.  Mental health issues should be talked about, and maybe this will help someone who is feeling the same way know that they’re not alone.  Or maybe it’ll just introduce you to my crazy, ha!

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Choose Joy. Ugh.

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Choose joy.

I have a love/hate relationship with this sentiment.  Am I the only one?

I get the general idea and I think it’s a good reminder, but having dealt with depression issues I know that it’s not always as simple as a choice.

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I think I’m more of the F I N D  joy type.  Or maybe C R E A T E  joy.

I’ve been in a serious funk the last few months and decided I needed to choosefindcreate some joy, so I started buying flowers to keep on my desk at work.

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Since I don’t love my cubicle life at the day job, I figured that infusing the space with something pretty and Springy might help, and I think it’s working.  At first everyone wanted to know what Mr. Won’t Run had done to prompt a floral apology, ha!

Once I explained I just wanted something pretty to look at (as opposed to their ugly mugs – kidding!!), they got the idea and seemed to enjoy it as well.

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Sometimes you just need to surround yourself with happy things and hope that some of the joy rubs off.

Ya know?

What do you do to pull yourself out of a funk and choosefindcreate joy?